a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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