The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
