when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
