The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
