how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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