Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize