So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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