I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
