I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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