You work out of a Hotel?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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