his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
