So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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