Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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