I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
