You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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