Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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