I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
