I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
