And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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