I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
