Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
