do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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