Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
