yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
