Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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