I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
