His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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