wanna go halves on a baby?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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