Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
