It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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