My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
