When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i out mim tonsoeep
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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