OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
