i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
