it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
