i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
