Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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