So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
