I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need a burrito and a hug.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
