Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
