Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
