Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize