just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
