Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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