Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
