I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
