I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
