Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
