if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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