yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
