while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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