fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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