I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
