Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
