you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
