In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
