I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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