I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
