this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
