I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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