Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
