seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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