Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
