I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
