Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We got so high we made milksteak
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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