I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize