Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
