there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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