but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
