Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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