I seem to have left my pride at pride
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
