isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
