I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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