Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What drink are we having for lunch?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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